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Married to a Misophone
Life With Misophonia
September 16, 2016Reframing Webinar
October 4, 2016Married to a Misophone
Here are some comments from a man whose wife has misophonia.
First off, my wife is awesome. We click in some many different ways but we are also different in other that so we believe we have a really great relationship.
We both are on our second marriage and well into our 40s so all the drama and nonsense is well behind us. We say what we feel but at the same time we try not to say it so to hurt the other person.
Act 2: Misophonia comes in. About a year ago she finally learned that all the symptoms she has been experiencing are related to misophonia and ever since she has researched not only how this started but how to, if not cure, at least cope with it. I feel I have learned a lot too as she shares with me most of the information she finds, which makes it a bit easier fore me to understand it. A bit.
However, there are times I feel I don’t want to sit at the table with her because I know that my ‘loud’ chewing or even the reflex of secreting and swallowing saliva will set her off. Sometimes she asks to turn on the radio or the TV while we eat together. This works sometimes, sometimes does not.
We have a small dog who is getting old. At dinner time he undoubtedly will make this [what she calls] quail noise, which to me most of the times is inaudible, but that drives her insane. Other times our dog would just lick himself and that sound just drives her mad.
So at times it is really hard to deal with her misophonia, find out more here. Other times I understand her because, and maybe I suffer a mild case of it as well, there is a large woman at work who breaths very, and I mean >>very<< loud. To the point I just have to put my earphones and crank some music so I don’t get distracted.
I don’t know how much of this is useful to everyone, or if it is at all. I just know that sometimes I suffer with my wife. Definitely not at the same level as she does, but to the point that I make myself watch (or hear) how loud I chew so she does not stab me in the eye with her fork while having dinner. Check here San Diego Downsizing from USA. Of course that is just a joke but I hope that gives you an idea how I feel about her misophonia.
From what she has told me her case is not so severe. She has told me she has read about other people that just completely isolate themselves because they have thoughts of ripping the other person’s face in order to stop the sound. I am not sure how I would handle that if her case was that bad.
76 Comments
My spouse has misophonia and is also triggered by smells and tastes, some kind of super taster. Talking, breathing, moving, cooking smells, cleaning products, “mold,” the dog, kids playing, anything sets him off into a rage. His mother was like that too. He refuses any therapy or intervention because he’s too busy. I’ve about had it. I think I need meds.
Just had to get this off my chest because man oh man do I suffer…. from my dad who has misophonia. I have chronic sinusitis and post-nasal drip, which is quite possibly the worst thing ever, to constantly feel like you’ve got sludge dripping down your throat that you can’t swallow, cough up, or blow out your nose. It’s just…. there. So it drives me insane and I’m always clearing my throat or coughing, and it gets significantly worse when I get a sinus infection, which happen like 5 times a year for me lasting around 4-5 weeks each, if not more.
When I have a sinus infection, it’s pretty awful but I can kinda deal with it cuz I’m so used to it at this point. The thing I can’t deal with, is that my dad gets so stressed and concerned by me coughing more than 3 times in a row at any point in time, whether I’m sick or not. It drives me absolutely insane, because I’m already not feeling well, but then I also have to worry about him commenting and making me hyperaware of my coughing/throat clearing. I feel like I can’t be comfortable or relax when I’m sick because our walls are thin and at night when I lie down and things get way worse in my airways I know he can hear and will probably send me a text asking if I need to see a doctor if I cough a couple times.
I know he’s also just worried about me, but I also know he’s asking cuz it bugs the heck out of him and it makes me so self-conscious…. I find myself apologizing whenever I cough or clear my throat in the presence of others, and usually they don’t even know what I’m apologizing for cuz they didn’t even notice me coughing etc…. if I could at least feel at peace when I’m sick then maybe I could get better quicker, but I’m always on high alert to try and minimize my coughing. Sometimes I take cough medicine all day and night to try and alleviate symptoms just so I’m not stressed about it.
Trying to get rid of my sinus infection and post nasal drip is ridiculously time-consuming and exhausting on top of me literally being sick. It involves sinus rinses twice a day, salt gargles, drinking tea, eating well, sleeping propped up, decongestants, etc etc… and that with ADHD is a hard ask. At this point I just don’t know what to do, but I want to stop feeling like it’s somehow my problem that he can’t be in the same house as me if I’m sick. I feel so uncomfortable and on edge and I’m sure it’s not helping me physically or mentally.
I kinda just wanted to rant here to some people who maybe get it, and my dad is by far not the worst in terms of how he handles his misophonia, but I really just wish he might get some help for both of our sakes. Fixing my problem would probably require surgery, but I also think I would hate for him to have to live while driven crazy by sounds around him. Hopefully things will work out for us both some day, and I guess the sooner I move out the better lol.
I had sinus surgery several years ago. Life changing and not as bad as people say it is. Get it, for yourself. Hubby is the one with misophonia. I had throat clearing issues going on last fall and I was apologizing just like you. I don’t think I can get him to therapy for help but I’m about to order him some Bose headphones. He’s working from home and the dog paces when storm comes(dog has meds). He just complained about dog clicking nails on floor. Ugh. Do not apologize for being you. And live your life regardless of dad issue. See if he will go with you to a Dr (therapist) appt. Tell him it’s for you. I didn’t realize that emotions are tagged to sounds they find offensive well, I mean in a therapeutic way. I gotta get hubby some help.
See misophoniatreatment.com for more information on how to get help.
Need to get the word out that this is a learned response and that it can be unlearned. In my experience those who have it when they find out that it’s a real condition then they feel more emboldened, justified, and see that as an excuse to say that since it’s a thing then people should respect, understand and adapt to their condition. The general belief being that they’re born with it, that it’s untreatable, and if you suggest otherwise then you’re a hater that has no compassion.
My husband has misophonia. We’ve been together for about 10 years. His triggers are the washing machine, the vacuum, any kitchen noise at all (emptying the dishwasher, cooking, washing dishes. He accuses me of intentionally banging pots and pans together. I also talk to the dogs too much. I have to keep my phone on silent, even though his goes off constantly. We are mostly retired, so he’s always home. Now, he doesn’t want to attend group functions with our friends because it’s too loud. If I go by myself, that makes him mad. If I sit and read a book, I’m lazy. I’m so close to being done with this marriage. I love him deeply and I know he loves me. I’ve thought of getting an apartment near and maybe we can stay married but live apart. I’ve looked for support groups on Facebook but always come up with nothing. He won’t seek therapy, although I did convince him to try noise canceling ear buds. I’m praying hard that they help.
This is hard for him to believe there is help, after so many years of methods of “help” not working. Watch this video together. https://youtu.be/jpSQf6IN-WU
There really is help for misophonia now, but you must find a good person to work with. The directors of Misophonia Institute understand what misophonia really is, and can provide good help.
We wish you well.
>tom<
Glad I found this. I now have a name for a condition my wife has that has caused problems in our marriage for the last 35 years. No sense talking to her about it, though, as she has other personality disorders that she’s in denial of. At least I know what to call it. By the way, I’m typing as softly as possible on this keyboard because, yes, that’s another one.
my Girl has misophonia, when we started our relation, she never mentioned it. Then we bought a house and just right after that she suddenly said that I have to keep in mind she has misophonia, and that that I have to take that in account.
I was like, what are you talking about? And then she said when you eat you make strange noises like slurping like sounds. Well I know from myself that slurping sounds are not made by me.. because I come from a family who taught all kinds of dinner manners, and slurping was never allowed in my family.
But now we live together for multiple years, I have the feeling the noises she hates getting more and more and more.
First it was eating, now it it is a whole list of things: when I blow my nose, when I am normally breathing, when I play darts (in another room not in the same room), and on an on..
I don’t know how to continue with this, or even if I want to continue such a relation ship. Its really becoming a turn-off for me..
Treatment is becoming more widely available for misophonia. It is an acquired reflex reaction. See misophoniatreatment.com to find someone to help her. Misophonia usually gets progressively worse over the years.
I’ve been married to my husband for 15 years. For the duration of our marriage he has been chasing after a diagnosis that fits. I learned of Misophonia from the book written by Greta Thunberg’s mother about their family. At the end her daughter figures out that this is what she suffers from. Many times while reading the book I kept thinking to myself, this sounds just like us! Thank God there is another family out there who experiences our daily hell and somehow finds there way through it. Right now I feel like the weight of the past 15 years are crashing down on me. All the walking in eggshells and trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me…with us…with our girls. I feel like Im trapped by it. It makes me want to vomit or run away. It would suck to be him but it feels almost just as hard to be me in this partnership. We have an appointment with a 2 hour appt with a Misophonia clinic in Milwaukee in January. I feel hopeful about that but am not sure what to do about my feelings that are currently coming to the surface. They feel so big and overwhelming. The reality of my own personal exhaustion from all of this chasing and hoping and then being disappointed because whatever diagnosis and treatment regime he (we) went through failed him (us) in the end then we are back to the drawing board.
Misophonia creates great suffering for everyone. If your appointment is with an audiologist, they will likely recommend that you work with a therapist also. See misophoniatreatment.com for therapists that can help you also. We wish you well.
These comments summarise exactly how I’ve been feeling! My boyfriend of 6 years has misophonia and I feel like it’s starting to affect my self esteem and eating habits. I used to eat a lot of foods like apples, green beans, carrots and other healthy snacks but now I have to eat only soft undetectable food. I try to say can I just eat somewhere else away from you but he gets upset and says I’m trying to make him feel like a monster for something he can’t control so I can’t even get away from him to eat what I want. Doesn’t help that we live in a small flat so I feel like he can hear me everywhere. He’s actually gone away this weekend and I realised I haven’t felt this relaxed in ages being free from judgement.
I know exactly how this feels. My husband has misophonia and he makes me feel like I’m some sort of slob because I make noise when I eat carrots or chips. Meanwhile he eats these same things in front of me but it’s ok for him because it doesn’t bother me. Except it does bother me because of the double standard. When I eat something crunchy he gives me a look like “why are you even alive, I’m so disgusted by you”. It makes me so angry that he gets so angry about it. It’s just a constant cycle. I do have noises that get on my nerves (like gum chewing) but I realize that my anger is my problem and I don’t explode on the chewer. I know he can control it at least to some degree because ive witnessed him standing face to face with a loud gum chewer and he doesn’t flip out on them. So it makes me feel like he just feels he can unleash on me because I’m his wife. Idk how to deal with him constantly getting mad at me because I’m eating normal food or not being able to eat foods I enjoy in order not to start a fight. I’m at the end of my rope with it. I also find myself more relaxed when he’s not here because I can eat in peace without feeling like a monster. Ugh!!
Got back my ex, Thank you! R.bu ck ler1 1 ( ‘ ‘ ) g ma i l…… c o m
My partner has Misophonia and I have Tourette’s. Both of us have some OCD. There can definitely be challenges with us both having these neurological conditions, but sometimes it can be better because we can truly empathize with each other and know that these things are not purposeful.
The funny thing is with sleep it can be me who is more disturbed by his snoring than him by my noises. I always sleep with a white noise fan sound and he always has ear plugs so he hears less than I do, but most nights together we sleep fine. Though since having twin babies I sleep in the nursery for now.
Eating can definitely be a tricky one as if I get distracted I forget to chew with my mouth closed sometimes and he has to kindly remind me, often just by giving me the intense staredown haha, the odd time I accidentally bite down on my utensil which bugs him even more, but that one even bugs me when I do it haha. So far he has been good with the babies eating. With “normal” eating sounds he is okay as long as he is eating too, but he always eats way faster than us and then goes to another room because if he is not eating the sounds bug him more.
He pretty much has ear plugs in most of the time. When he doesn’t and I come to sit or lay next to him he puts them in right away because my breathing and my sniffing and throat noise tics bug him.
Luckily my worst tic which is the sniffing he seems to have come to terms with most of the time, but some of my other tics he cannot handle and he will say “stop it!” and I have to try and suppress them until he is not around.
I was worried about how he would handle baby noises, but so far he only had to leave a few times when we were sleep training and they were screaming their heads off, but I was okay and didn’t feel ditched.
Just today he admitted that the lamaze breathing when I was in labour drove him crazy but he knew I was in more pain, ummm YA THINK!? haha
Sometimes I feel rejected when he criticises me, especially if it’s a tic thing, and wonder how does he even stand to be with me and how much can he really love me and what if my tics gets worse and his triggers get worse!! I also remember though that his own family triggered him a lot the past couple of decades and he still loves them so then I feel a little better.
I just hope we can continue to empathize and not take anything personally. I really need to work on that as I really take any kind of rejection to heart.
I am so grateful that he has never expressed his anger despite feeling it so intensely from some triggers and that he gracefully removes himself from the situation.
I only hope our kids don’t have either Misophonia or Tourette’s any worse than we do. I was always more worried about Autism and other things because I know if they have what we have at least we have a better idea of what they are going through and how to support them.
Does anyone else have a Misophonia and Tourette’s relationship?
Something I wondered about Misophonia is whether people find their other senses are connected to? I find my partner is also such a picky eater and very sensitive to certain smells and the smells can trigger him much like sounds do.
So I have sever misophonia but somehow baby noises (only my children) do not trigger it at ALL. I can hear my baby chew, cry, sniffle, and it DOES NOT BOTHER ME. But literally everything else, noise almost ALL noises made by my husband, cats, me just interacting with objects, music, I can’t stand and it’s gotten worse and worse. But I don’t know how or why but nothing my baby does triggers me (but other people’s children sometimes do, particularly if they older than a baby/toddler)
Misophonia triggers include the sound and other stimuli elements, such as who or what is making the sound, the context (where am I), social expectations, etc. So your baby is a specific new source for the sound and context. Misophonia triggers are learned through experience and often get worse with time. We understand what causes misophonia to develop and ways to allow your brain to let go of these triggers and stop zapping you. See https://misophoniatreatment.com or the home page of https://misophoniainstitute.org
I worked with a woman years ago that was being triggered by a sound she thought was children playing behind her house. She went and checked, and she saw it was adults working. Once she new it was adults working, the sound did not trigger her, but it was the exact same sound that was triggering her when she thought it was children playing.
Hey there everyone. I have been with my husband who suffers from misophonia for just about ten years. I have learned how to be a considerate partner over the years (no eating without good-noises near him, I stopped requesting to go out on dates with him in places where there may possibly be people eating, and if we are in a situation where he gets triggered we have worked out a few ‘escape plans’). All of the work I have done/do to help him avoid triggers and when he is triggered is exhausting, but I have always justified that my actions show I care and I feel that when he is not being triggered or in an angry state he recognizes the effort I put in and appreciates me for it. Reading all of these posts made me feel less alone. I love my husband, and although he has acted inappropriately or abusive for lengths of time (sometimes for months) because of his struggles to cope with misophonia, that love has not diminished, although at times I have doubted our longevity .
I noticed a lot of people posting on this board have children with their misophonic partner, and I want to ask here (no judgment) if it is something they regret? I am at the age where starting a family is becoming more and more important, I’d like to have a child within the next five years. But I am terrified that 1- my husband will not be able to be a good father because of the anger related to misophonia and 2- that one of our children (or all of them) will be born with misophonia as well.
With the first concern, I know I can handle his outbursts- I have learned over the last decade not to take his fits personally (even if at times, it feels like he hates me). But children will not be able to comprehend their father’s verbal abuse, negative behaviour/responses, or abandonment as something that is not directly their fault. Even if I am carefully planning when and where they eat, I can not account for when they cry, or tap toys or things against a surface, or for their making other ‘annoying’ noises at random as children do. This fear that my husband won’t be able to emotionally care for our kids is very real. I’ll also throw out there that having come from an abusive childhood I can not stand the idea of knowingly putting my children in a similar situation.
With the second concern, I know that my husband’s maternal grandfather had misophonia (and to a certain degree, he psychologically damaged his grandmother, mother and uncle because of his inability to cope with it). His brother also has less sever misophonia, and his mother has similar symptoms but not outright misophonia- what I am getting at is although it is not entirely confirmed, it seems to me that misophnia obviously has a genetic component, and although I would love my children dearly even if they had misophonia, I am not sure if I would willingly choose to have a child with such a high risk of being misophonic. If I could get over that first fear, hopefully with my husband finally deciding to accept some form of therapy or treatment/coping mechanisms, I think I could be happy adopting a child instead of having our own to avoid the odds of having multiple misophonics under one roof.
Any advice anyone is willing to give is appreciated, and I would not mind talking to someone directly if they offered. I feel this internal conflict more so with each passing year of wanting so badly to be a mother and not wanting to risk ruining the at-times-delicate relationship I have with my spouse by having a family. Thanks for reading <3
Honestly hon… you sound like such a caring person. Your husband sounds abusive. Has he gone to therapy? Or has the onus been on you to adjust your behaviors and learn how to accept verbal abuse because he “can’t” help going on tirades?
And children make many, many noises that he will likely have trouble coping with. Be prepared to spend a lot of time raising them alone when your husband can’t deal with the sounds.
My husband has misophonia and by the way terrible name me so phony yikes. It’s been 10 years and I’m just finding out this is a real thing. One of our children 3 yes old his first sentence was him screaming at me for chewing he got really aggressive and put his hand over my mouth and yelled oh my God shut up! I was floored he had never seen anything like this behavior but then I started paying attention and he has the same thing as his dad. From the time he wakes up to the time he goes to bed he is running away from people and sounds and it is the most heart breaking thing in the world for a mother to deal with. People think he is a bad kid but he isn’t he is so lovable but sounds make him angry. My husband… if this was only a more discussed psychiatric disorder I wouldn’t have taken it so personally when I was having an asthma attack wheezing and he forcefully pushed me awake and he said I have work tomorrow can you stop breathing like that or go sleep somewhere else he knew that I didn’t feel well I couldn’t believe he was so rude. We didn’t really talk about that until months later is been almost a year. What is really hurtful is he does not remember the incident 😕 that was the meanest he has ever acted toward me but now looking back I think maybe I’ve always annoyed him with the sounds I make eww why marry me if I annoy you. I want to suggest he get some help because over the years he has gotten worse now if I chew he will start tapping on something or push objects around or if all else fails he runs away from me. I never understood why but now that I do I don’t know why he wants to be with me it’s kinda scary to have someone be so annoyed or angered by your breathing! Anyway there is no help or support groups I don’t know what to do? I would be laughed out of a domestic violence shelter and I wouldn’t want to do that to my husband either….. yikes kids no I would not have done that had I known the actual extent of the genetic phsycosis
Misophonia creates great suffering for everyone. First, as we understand misophonia (based on researchand working with many patients), it is an acquired condition, technically a “learned” reflex. There are definitely genetic factors, but it requires experience with the sound for it to become a trigger. The good news is that the acquired reflexes can change for the better. Second, there are treatments for misophonia that significantly help most patients. See misophoniatreatment.com for information on treatment.
Everyone suffers greatly with misophonia. There is treatment. See the treatment providers on misophoniatreatment.com. There are providers that work by video-chat, so you can get hell wherever you live.
Yes, sometimes it’s something I regret, because the typical pace and changes that go with having children require self regulation and adaptation for parents.
I don’t think my partner has this ability, but this doesn’t mean yours doesn’t.
It is a personal choice and anyone else’s experience shouldn’t hold you back (or encourage you.)
I do think proper treatment of adhd and any other concurrent mental or physical symptoms is important. Therapy is important, as others have stressed. Children stress ALL resources though- and you brought up many points to consider that could be your reality. I would be lying if I said I didn’t recognize some of the points you’ve made.
I don’t think having a child this way would matter nearly as much to you if/when the time comes- but those other things might. It doesn’t prevent someone from being a good father but DOES mean you do have to work harder to have coping tools. Being a partner to someone who exhibits the characteristics of ADD, ADHD, etc is extraordinarily challenging- whether or not there are children (yet.)
My advice is to share these concerns, possibly with a counselor, regarding the decision to have children. The great news for you is that you do have a choice!
Wow this is so helpful. My husband has misophonia. His mum and brother have it too and I’m worried it will be passed on to our kids. I feel like he hates me but he says he loves me. It’s very difficult to understand. I sometimes feel like I am being gaslighted. How can you be so horrible to someone you love? I hate mealtimes with him. Apparently now certain tones in my voice annoy him. He thinks my voice is getting deeper but I have asked other people and they look at me like I’m mad. So emotionally exhausting. Appreciate a place to vent. Also really want to help him so going to take some of the ideas on here. Many thanks
Hi Marie, Misoponia causes much sorrow for everyone. See misophoniatreatment.com for help.
My husband also has misophonia, when we first got together not with me but just his parents and sister.
Seemed to be anyone he lived with.
After a couple of years little things started to annoy him like anything I eat that crunches so I find myself shopping for softer alternatives.
Then as time has progressed there are more and more issues, I can’t wash up around him ,when helping my children with homework apparently my voice goes softer and he gets angry and has to go out of the room.
He now hates me yawning,humming and now it has come to the fact he can’t stand the sight of me on my phone.
We have two children aged 12 and 11 and he has no issue with them but the issues with me keep piling up.
I am supportive of his issue I try to not do anything that I know creates him an issue but how do you not take any of this personal.
He says he loves me and I should know that as he chooses to stay with me but I feel I am constantly walking on egg shells.
I really feel for him as it must be hard but from a partners point of view it is also very difficult to live with.
I feel very upset and cannot but take some things to heart as like all of you on here he has several issues and all with me and noone else and I an argument tonight he has stated he has so many more things that I do that annoy him if only I knew.
To what point does he stop having issues with me because it’s so cruel.
He said cbt won’t help as will not cure.
I feel so alone anyone I talk to thinks either he is mad or that I am mad to stay.
What you describe is very common for misophonia. It is a reflex condition, and he keeps developing new/more reflexes. There is treatment. See misophoniatreatment.com. I wish you well.
My husband who I have been married to for eight years has misaphonia too.
Before we got married i knew he had issues with his sisters sniffing moms eating and dad’s yawning as we were friends for nearly ten years before getting together.
Little things started creeping in like me eating anything crunchy which again I found myself trying to find softer options anything to try and help him.
Since then over the years more and more issues keep piling on.
To where now isn’t just even noises visual things can trigger him too.
So far the list he has with me is I can’t eat anything crunchy, cannot yawn loud, my voice when spking to my kids for example when doing homework goes softer so he goes out the way but can see the anger in his face before he goes I can’t wash up either.
I cant hum I know can’t hold Aug with two hands as this visually creates same feelings for him and I can’t look at my phone at all when around him but I am ok to look on a tablet.
We have kids and he doesn’t have any issues with them but the list just keeps coming with me.
I try sooo hard to avoid doing anything to create his triggers but i can’t help but get upset.
I know its mot I his control but I am so tired and exhausted trying to think bout what I am doing all the time.
I feel so hated I have no self confidence I just feel very lost and alone.
My husband gets mad at my voice too. He says it goes fine for awhile and then boom, the voice bugs him. We hardly hang out in the same room except to watch tv with very few words. I feel isolated in my own home. Other people don’t notice anything different about my voice, but they say my hubby complains about too many things so they don’t take him seriously, (but I have to live with him and hope he will overcome misophonia with techniques).
There is treatment for misophonia. See MisophoniaTreatment.com for a list of treatment providers.
My husband has problems with my voice too. He had problems with our first son’s voice from around 2 – 14 years old and then my husband stopped. Then it progressed to putting fingers in his ears when someone rustled bags and ate crunchy food or muting the tv during irritating sounds on commercials. Now, hubby is focused on my voice over the past 9 years. He says it is normal for a while and then I suddenly switch to a different tone. Noone else notices, but they also don’t take it seriously because hubby complains about too many things. We don’t hang out together much except to sleep and watch tv sometimes. I feel isolated because our grown kids are now gone and hubby is the only person in house to communicate with, but I can’t talk much because he complains about my voice.
Hi there, I’m writing because I’m feeling stressed and need to vent. My partner has misophonia. He knows that he has sound issues, but when I’ve brought up the notion that it’s an actual disorder that can be treated with therapy, he brushes it off. It feels like he’s in some denial over it. We are expecting our first child ,and I am really starting to have major anxiety about how he is going to handle all the extra noise that a new baby will create in the home. It really is so stressful being in a relationship with someone who suffers from this. I try to be understanding, but I feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time, and I hate the thought that our child might grow up thinking her Dad is always frustrated with her and not understanding why. ..
See if he will watch the video, Misophonia, What Is It? There is treatment for misophonia. See misophoniatreatment.com.
One big problem is that misophonia is a “learned” disorder. If he frowns every time you chew (or makes other sounds) and then your daughter could develop misophonia because of the association of the sounds and daddy frowning.
We wish you well.
Unfortunately I have no advice just solidarity. My husband is the same and we have a one year old. It has been incredibly stressful.
I’m sorry, it’s a really hard disorder that affects everyone’s feelings and rights. I thought I was the worst person in the world. As I have reacted very negatively and almost violent aggression and intrusive thoughts. I have adhd as well so I have other sensory issues. Please be patient but don’t be afraid to be yourself. Also maybe buy her some silent headphones with some roses idk. But they do have silent keyboards and mouses. I can still hear them but it’s getting better. Taking responsibility and getting some kind of help is on her not you.
Hi! finally I find people who is struggling with it too. My boyfriend has that problem since he was a kid, now he’s 30. We’ve been together for 7 years now. In the first months after some bad comments, we talked about the trigger sounds like chew , swallow or breathe deeply, burp, the noises of the neighbors, the snoring…etc. At first time I didn’t understand him, I thought he wanted to control how I ate and breath. He even gave me advices to do it better. We have argued so many times… until we talk and talk about it.
In the end it depends on his “mood”. In a good mood he tells me that noise bothers him, controling his words and tone, so I stop eating, I take a few moments and then I continue slowly. But if I am the one who have the “grey mood day”, I stop eating because I feel overwhelm to know that he is hearing me, I say him ok -I’m not hungry-, or I go somewhere else. And if he’s in a “gray mood” my noises will set him off, too fast.
We live and work together, and sometimes it is difficult.
When I make exercice and I breath to loud, CAUTION. Sometimes it’s difficult to control how I breathe … and I feel presion on my chest.
My sleep have changed, I wake up so often, bc he wants me to turn over bc he hears me breathe, but at the same time he wants to hug me, so I end up sleeping tourning over like a croquette all night long
No more family meal, neither christmas dinner. We have only been twice, and before the appointment is an awful moment, full of stress we argue for everything. In fact we normally go angry when we visit our family or our friends. And I think that’s why we don’t have a lot of friends, is too stressful. Furthermore, he has a lonely attitude.
After a years we found “misophonia” on internet and I read a lot about it, how it affects to many other people suffering like him, this helped me to undersand him. And I try to remember all of it and do my best, but sometimes, I can’t. I think if I were single I would weigh 10kg more, I would not have that dark undereye circles, but ok I love him and we have to deal with it…
I’m an insecure person, and I have some OCD and tics…and all this I think is creating on me some fears in front to others, when we are with other people I’m always aware, looking him to see if he’s going well or if we have to leave. When I eat, even if I’m not with him, I already have the habit of hearing my noises. When he leaves for a few moments I get up and eat something quickly before he comes back. And now I really hate when someone is looking at me while i’m eating. If I tell him that, he says I’m selfish, it’s he who have a disorder not me, that i have to stop making mental stories about me, and help him. And I know, but sometimes I can’t control that stress. I know he suffers more than me, he thinks he cannot be with anyone else, that he has to be alone, he feels guilty about his disorder, and don’t forgive his parents, they are even more guilty. Only with me he feels comfortable.
by the way it’s easier for me to accept that my noises bother him, but not the dogs noises, I told him thousands times that they don’t understand why he makes them stop, he is going to drive them crazy! if they licks or scratches it is because they need it! (ok, my dogs are like my childs, I don’t want to have children, and I don’t wanna imagine). I think he finally undersand, that he is the human who have to deal with his problems and the dogs are acting just like dogs do, and in this case things have improved
A few days ago I found a psychologist who work with misophonia cases, I investigated comments from other people, I thought, why not?
But when I told him he went totally mad. He told me that I hurt him and offended him. i’ts impossible that a person who has only read psycology books for years cannot help someone who suffers inside his head. He says that if the psychologist does not suffer from misophonia he cannot understand it and help others to overcome it, impossible. He is very skeptical of psychologists and the advice of others offends him deeply. He thinks he knows how to control it, and in part he does. The big headphones help a lot! But now it’s me, sometimes it’s exhausting, I think that’s why I would like he talk to someone who maybe could help him, or better said, help us
Sorry for the long story, it’s the first time I can explain how I feel about it, and I feel guilty beause I know for him it’s worse, but I need to get it off my chest, a bit
Thank you
Misophonia is an acquired reflex condition. See Misophonia, What Is It video. Try the Misophonia Muscle Relaxation Training app. Do 3 sessions a day for 2 weeks and try to relax around triggers. Add lots of background sound (rain, white noise, etc) to reduce the severity of triggers. I wish you both well.
Hi, 24 y.o. GF of a 35 yr old man with misophonia. I am trying to type quietly right this second, but it’s hard cause my keys stick. My BF and I have been together 3 years now at the end of 2020…in the beginning he seemed to have some control over it; however in the past year or so he has argued every point, yelled all the cuss words at me he can, told me I am a pig, slob, disgusting and other hurtful comments, especially because I’ve gained a significant amount of weight recently. This is bc I chew (even w my mouth closed, i am told i didnt have my mouth closed and im crazy) too loud for him, or sometimes it’s just the saliva secreting from my glands to break up the food, something i have NO control over, and I am asked to leave the room. I’ve seen people who have it say they are the one trying to cope but it sucks bc I know he thinks I AM the crazy one and HE IS NORMAL and this IS NORMAL AND EVERYTHING I DO TO TRIGGER HIM IS BC IM TRYING TO BE A B*TCH and also because its not just chewing, it’s also heavy or fast breathing especially if i have even one booger in my nose and it makes a sound or open mouth breathing when I’m eating because I have asthma. It costs me my dignity and embarrasses me in public in front of strangers who can’t understand why my bf acts like a complete d bag. It is very hard on my end bc I have to watch how I eat, or eat when he’s eating or risk getting yelled at for taking one bite of something crunchy. Even after telling him I figured out that its this and putting a label on it would help him recognize that while he may be the victim of sound sensitivity, i am the victim of his misophonia controlling his every mood. He snaps way too easily like tonight, I was drawing using oil pastels and he said the rubbing sound of me blending the colors together was bothering him so i did it a different way, as well as much quieter. It wasn’t good enough. He literally tries breaking up with me every night…sometimes an argument ensues every half hour. Hell, an argument ensued because in his psyche, he’s not suffering from anything, however I am simply trying to “torture” him. His words not mine. We need counseling but again, he’s too good for that.
Please be aware that misophonia usually gets worse with time. Your boyfriend seems to have a problem with self-control and self-centeredness. Are you sure he is worth this?
My husband has misophonia. He has been very proactive in learning about this-even finding a psychologist who specializes in misophonia. The challenge is that I am tired. We have been together for 10 years and I have gotten used to the outbursts but not in a good way. And now that he has a name for it, he uses it as a reason to excuse the behaviour in a way and seems more focused on me finding better ways to not be bothered or offended by his outbursts. The main problem though is the public reactions. His main triggers are screaming or crying kids. We live in a complex with kids around us and he is starting t to have interactions with neighbors and friends. He will explain but then seems to expect everyone to bend to his needs and doesn’t seem to understand that we all live in the world and can’t control everything all the time or, when a child is screaming, that it is not likely the parents first priority to wonder if it is affecting him. I love him and commend him for doing the work to learn about this. I am just tired and my patience for this is getting thinner by the outburst which, even though only happens 4 or 5 times a year maybe, makes me resent him more and more and question if I really have the energy to do this for the rest of my life. Thankfully he doesn’t suffer a lot of the food triggers that some of you are experiencing. That would be a daily challenge. But I sympathize as I am constantly in a heightened state of awareness and I hate that
I’d also encourage you to look into the power and control wheel. Misophonia is not an excuse for verbal abuse.
To Meredith,
I have misophonia too and I’ve never verbally or emotionally abused anyone because of it. Please know that you’re dealing with two issues here. One is his misophonia but the more important one is his abuse of you. Abusers rarely change and he is treating you like garbage. You deserve someone who will treat you better than that, especially after all the effort you put into not setting him off. I’ve been through this and I know how hard it is to leave. But if you stay and have kids with him, esp. if he then is the sole financial provider, he will get even worse. People who know about emotional abuse say it’s best for the victim of abuse to get therapy alone. Couples counseling doesn’t help. I also took an antidepressant (Celexa) and that helped me build up the strength to leave (although it took a year). Just know that his behavior is unacceptable no matter how bad his misophonia is. YOU DESERVE BETTER. But don’t beat yourself up if it’s hard to make a change – for some reason, that’s a common part of the dynamic as well. Best wishes to you. <3 – Janet the Misophone
My struggle is with sleep. My partner had misophonia and my breathing sets him off. Not necessarily into rage, but just can’t sleep because he will zone in on the sound and focus on my breathing and spend the night not sleeping.
Nowadays he falls asleep in his recliner. So basically we hardly ever share bed. This way he get 6 hours of decent sleep- having fallen asleep to a movie. I always wake up around 4 or 5am if he’s not in bed…
So the struggle is finding how to wrap my head around not feeling sad, lonely, and rejected because he never comes to bed… vs him coming to bed and getting poor to no sleep because I’m breathing…
Eating is okay. My eating. Unless I eat extra crunchy food while he is not eating. We like to go out for Asian foods. He has on occasion made eye contact and smacked his lips aggressively at some poor slurper. It’s out of character cause he’s normally so polite.
He will 100% blow up at our dogs if they’re slurping too much. One is extra prone to it. Massive trigger that one.
But the breathing while I sleep is the one that we are struggling with the most as a couple. Because he feels guilted by me wanting him to come to bed at some point, and I feel guilted for my wanting him in bed means him losing sleep. How do I deal with that one?
There are 2 solutions to this problem. The easiest is to add noise to your bedroom. You can use a noise app and bluetooth speakers, a noise machine, or loud fan, such as a box fan. The added noise can be as loud as needed to completely stop him from being triggered.
The second solution is for your partner to get treatment for misophonia. There are 2 good treatments that have a high success rate – relacation and counterconditioning therapy and sequent repatterning hypnotherapy. You can find out about these therapies on MisophoniaTreatment.com
it makes me sad that I get angry at my husband just for eating or even breathing.(he breathes very loud sometimes I could hear him from another room with the door open). we’ve been married for almost three years now and have a beautiful daughter. My condition started when I was living with my parents. I remember getting up and leaving my meal as soon as I heard the loud chewing and lips smacking. It drove me insane. And later I would eat alone to keep myself from getting angry. (going back to my husband now), in the first year of our marriage, my husband was a quite eater or maybe I didn’t notice the loud noises he made. But now, I hear everything. I wish I could change(I’m really trying). I feel like he is afraid of sitting with me and eat together because then he might get criticized or looked at with the (disturbed look). I think we both feel a bit distant these days and it’s saddening.
Misophonia causes great suffering on everyone in the family. Two points. First, add a lot of good sound (noise) to your home. This can greatly reduce the triggers. Second, there is treatment for misophonia. See misophoniatreatment.com.
So happy to read about spouses who are also struggling. I just had an argument with my husband (who suffers with it) because I was eating popcorn, which I haven’t done so in 8-9months because it sets him off even though I eat with my mouth closed 🤦🏽♀️ He gets set of at the dinner table with myself or the kids and I find that I’m so anxious at the dinner table, that I’m on edge and snapping at anyone who makes noises of any sort. I’ve been “schooled” so many times by him on it and have heard “I don’t think you know how it feels”, that I just feel resentful now. I don’t, equally he doesn’t know how it feels to be constantly criticised for eating. I suppose I’ll just stop eating popcorn anywhere near him.
I feel like the most annoying person to walk the face of the earth. I’m 5 years married to wife we with misophonia and we have 2 daughters. I worry that she is tainting our children with her anger and rude ways. Everything feels like the blame is on me and the world and no responsibility to work on her own problem as hard as we seemingly need to work at attuning to her on a daily/hourly basis. I worry for her, and us (daughters & me). This misophonia feels like an extension of her true inner self.. a selfish brat to the core. I pray to see it differently
Misophonia is not an extensin of a person’s true inner self. A person with misophonia is being physically asaulted by their brain stem when they experience a triggers. There is treatment by video-chat. See https://misophoniatreatment.com/treatment-provider-directory/cat/video-chat/
Do you know if there is a support group for spouses? I’m also having a tough time with my husband’s triggers. Some days, I just want to call it quits and then I remember I love him and made promises to be there for him no matter what and I did not take my vows lightly. We’ve been married almost 5 years and together almost as long. I can’t come to terms with the fact he was somehow able to hide his symptoms in the three years we dated and even the year we lived together. It wasn’t until we were engaged that he began showing his anger toward ‘crunching’… (which could be the slightest crunch from romaine lettuce). Luckily, he married a girl that never liked chips. God forbid. Then there’s ‘gulping.’ I swear I walk around dehydrated most of the time to avoid the arguments. I often eat fast and nervously, scared of prompting an outburst. And if I have the slightest cold or sniffle? Forget about it. I just don’t like what my life has become living in the same household. I never knew anyone in my family who had anything like this. Eating together was always a joyous, family experience. I find it hard to believe that people are born with this condition. Is it not a leaned behavior? Maybe something from childhood? He refuses to talk about it but acknowledges he has the condition. How do I get him to seek help for the sake of our marriage? Thank you in advance for any help you can provide. It brought me comfort reading the comments in knowing I’m not alone in this.
Misophonia is a horrible condition for both the individuals with misophonia and their loved ones. There is treatment for misophonia that is effective for many. See https://youtu.be/z_jaLCvZHYU
My husband who I have been married to for eight years has misaphonia too.
Before we got married i knew he had issues with his sisters sniffing moms eating and dad’s yawning as we were friends for nearly ten years before getting together.
Little things started creeping in like me eating anything crunchy which again I found myself trying to find softer options anything to try and help him.
Since then over the years more and more issues keep piling on.
To where now isn’t just even noises visual things can trigger him too.
So far the list he has with me is I can’t eat anything crunchy, cannot yawn loud, my voice when spking to my kids for example when doing homework goes softer so he goes out the way but can see the anger in his face before he goes I can’t wash up either.
I cant hum I know can’t hold Aug with two hands as this visually creates same feelings for him and I can’t look at my phone at all when around him but I am ok to look on a tablet.
We have kids and he doesn’t have any issues with them but the list just keeps coming with me.
I try sooo hard to avoid doing anything to create his triggers but i can’t help but get upset.
I know its mot I his control but I am so tired and exhausted trying to think bout what I am doing all the time.
I feel so hated I have no self confidence I just feel very lost and alone.
Misophonia causes great suffering for the individual and loved ones. We recommend the individual with misophonia seek treatment from someone listed on misophoniainstitute.org or misophoniatreatment.com.
Hi Monica, I am going through the same thing with my husband and now my son too! If you want to connect I’m on Facebook as Amy Leitermann 🙂
My struggle is with sleep. My partner had misophonia and my breathing sets him off. Not necessarily into rage, but just can’t sleep because he will zone in on the sound and focus on my breathing and spend the night not sleeping.
Nowadays he falls asleep in his recliner. So basically we hardly ever share bed. This way he get 6 hours of decent sleep- having fallen asleep to a movie. I always wake up around 4 or 5am if he’s not in bed…
So the struggle is finding how to wrap my head around not feeling sad, lonely, and rejected because he never comes to bed… vs him coming to bed and getting poor to no sleep because I’m breathing…
Eating is okay. My eating. Unless I eat extra crunchy food while he is not eating. We like to go out for Asian foods. He has on occasion made eye contact and smacked his lips aggressively at some poor slurper. It’s out of character cause he’s normally so polite.
He will 100% blow up at our dogs if they’re slurping too much. One is extra prone to it. Massive trigger that one.
But the breathing while I sleep is the one that we are struggling with the most as a couple. Because he feels guilted by me wanting him to come to bed at some point, and I feel guilted for my wanting him in bed means him losing sleep. How do I deal with that one?
There are 2 solutions to this problem. The easiest is to add noise to your bedroom. You can use a noise app and bluetooth speakers, a noise machine, or loud fan, such as a box fan. The added noise can be as loud as needed to completely stop him from being triggered.
The second solution is for your partner to get treatment for misophonia. There are 2 good treatments that have a high success rate – relacation and counterconditioning therapy and sequent repatterning hypnotherapy. You can find out about these therapies on MisophoniaTreatment.com
This is a cry for help from a spouse of someone with this condition. I used to have the same problem with certain sounds when I was younger but no longer do. I can sympathize it’s horrific and uncomfortable.
That being said, for those of us on the other end of this I Can hardly stand to be in the same room with my wife any more because everything I do is a trigger. The trigger causes a face (scowl) and an attitude shift.
What am I going to do? I am so self conscious now even when I’m-not with my wife. I think I have to be silent all the time. When I bring up how I feel I feel guilty. I don’t know what to do. I am lost. I love her and my kids so much but I am miserable.
There is treatment for misophonia that is generally effective. I suggest your wife seek treatment.
Hi Jenny, omg! Yes, I have sinus issues also. Mostly in winter with all the dry air. I totally understand♥️!
I hate having the sinus stuff also, I know it drives him nuts, but it also makes me nuts! Who would choose to have post nasal drip? Not I…
I found chewing gum helps, probably the constant swallowing…??? Just have to be careful to not chew like a cow though.
We have had separate bedrooms for a few years, we actually sleep better, but I do feel like it has really lessened the intamacy in the relationship.
I wish he did not have the disorder, I mean he’s a good person, but I feel like it makes him mean and angry. I know how you feel Jenny, I too am sad and feel like I can’t be myself much of the time when we are together, it has altered the way I act and function.
I can’t figure out how he controlled it when we first met… I mean it’s weird how it didn’t seem to bother him then, but it came creeping into our lives. I do remember that he did not like going to movies because of people chewing pop corn.. so we just stopped doing that.
I don’t know if I would have continued the relationship if I had known how it would affect our life. Especially because he adamantly denied having misophonia when I finally (years later) figured out that’s what it had to be. I kept thinking, ” holy crap! I would be thrilled that my condition had a name and I wasn’t weird or alone!” But he kept insisting that “everyone gets annoyed by sounds”…
I recently saw a film on Amazon prime called “quiet please”. It is all about misophonia and people who have it along with their family members and loved ones.
I literally cried during the film. I told my husband that we should watch it together, hopefully we will some day.
I kept thinking, “hmmm, he must really love me to stay with me even though some of the things I do and the sounds I make are super irritating to him”.
But it is so hard to try to remember that when you feel like you are under a microscope every day.
My heart went out to the people who had it along with the people they shared their lives with.
I am happy that the movie Quiet Please brings attention to the suffering caused by misophonia, but I wish it would have included hopeful information about effective treatments for misophonia that has been developed.
I’ve been searching for support groups for SPOUSES of those with misophonia, and I stumbled across these posts. I just need somewhere to go to vent. I understand how it has to be difficult living with misophonia, however, us spouses suffer as well. I’ve been with my husband for more than 16 years. Within the year, he’s finally identified his issue as misophonia, and I would agree. We also think he has a mild form of Aspergers and a sensory processing disorder (tags in shirts have to be removed, socks have to be on a certain foot and way, etc.). The misophonia however, has effected our relationship tremendously throughout the years. The way I brush my teeth and swish mouthwash irritates him, the smell of peanut butter (which I eat everyday and on everything) disgusts him, the teenage neighbor playing basketball enrages him, my 7 year old sleeping, eating, playing, being a kid bouncing around bothers him. Basically, something at pretty much any moment irritates, or enrages him. He tries his hardest to avoid conflict; he’ll wear cordless headphones, remove himself from the table, exit the bathroom when I’m brushing my teeth, etc. However, it bothers me as I feel I’m always walking on eggshells trying to not irritate him, or I do as I normally would and see him walk away knowing it’s irritating him, which then irritates me to see him walk away. There’s not a winning situation. I tell him he needs to try and expose himself to more of the triggers to hopefully dull his reaction… he gets defensive with this suggestion, as he feels that won’t help and it’s just the way his brain is wired. However, over the years of me always trying to empathize with him, I feel as though it is making me more sensitive to sounds I normally wouldn’t have noticed before. So my thought is, if my brain is now allowing sounds to irritate me, I feel as though there is a way for him to work on dulling his reaction to his trigger noises. Either way, being a spouse with someone with misophonia is very difficult as well… so just me venting here was nice 😊
Counterconditioning with muscle relaxation training and Sequent Repatterning hypnotherapy are good treatments for misophonia. See misophoniatreatment.com for help.
I finally had to see if what happens to my husband has a name. He totally has misophonia and it enrages him to hear many noises, especially when there is no other noise distraction that he becomes hyper-focused on the sound. We have an open concept living room, kitchen, office space. He swears that other people have the ability to open plastic food bags (deli meats, cheeses, cereal bags in the box) more quietly than myself. Equally as irritating to him: liquids pouring into a cup (water faucet, coffee brewer) anything sizzling in a frying pan, our dog lapping his water ….. I will often take items from the cabinet or fridge and carefully walk it to another room or outdoors, out of earshot, to open and close it so it doesn’t bother him. He’s convinced that I am louder than others almost on purpose and leaves the room in a rage.
He also has a mood disorder (ugh), so combined with the misophonia I’m trying to find out how to survive being blamed for noises that go completely unnoticed by others, yet wreak havoc on his brain. He won’t wear ear plugs, I’ve asked. As much as I’ve told him that I’m not making noise any louder than anyone else who is doing the same thing (i.e., shaking a carton of creamer) he gets mad at me. He’s got some hearing loss in one of his ears and I honestly think it would be easier for him if he needed hearing aids so he could turn down what he doesn’t want to hear. I sure could use some feedback and advice from anyone who has either dealt with this as a spouse or partner, or someone who has the disorder and has someone like myself trying to tip-toe through the noise of living everyday. Thanks for reading.
All that you report are common with misophonia. Your sounds SEEM very loud because of the misophonic reflex response in his brain/body. Add lots of noise to your room, such as using a sound machine or a box fan. Get a noise app for to run on a spare smartphone (I like White Noise (blue icon, $1) by TMSOFT.) If you have a noisy exhaust fan in the kitchen, turn it on and leave it on.
Misophonia is great for causing bad moods, so maybe his “mood disorder” is partly (or completely) misophonia.
There is also treatment for misophonia. See misophoniatreatment.com for more info or pages on misophoniainstitute.org.
I completely understand! I love my husband, and we have a great relationship, but there’s just moments where I can’t take it anymore, and vice-versa. A good portion of our arguments stem from his misophonia and sensory processing disorder. Everything can be going good, we’ll be watching a movie and all of a sudden he’ll hear a bouncing basketball outside, in the distance where I’m not even realizing it until he mentions it, but his brain tunes in on it and he can’t focus on anything else. So it always ends in an argument because he’s pissed at the teenagers for playing basketball and then I’m defending the kids, because they’re just being kids. It typically ends with him going upstairs because of the sound and me finishing the movie by myself. Or when I brush my teeth, he’s typically making a comment on how I do it and how I “slurp” the water, etc. For the most I have a hard time ignoring him so I chime in about him criticizing me and that ends in an argument. There are times where I feel like everything I do is wrong and irritates him. I also feel like new things come up… so his trigger list is growing. As I’m sure it’s the same in your house, it’s not all bad and there are times where either he’s coping well and not saying anything, or nothing happens to be bothering him. Those days are great. But then there’s the other days where we both just can’t handle it. So I’m definitely with you and know how frustrating it is to be the spouse as well. I will say having bluetooth cordless earphones has helped and there are times he’ll wear those and connect to the movie so he can tune out the basketball noise (just hearing the noise triggers anger however, which makes me angry at him and it typically ends in us angry with each other so the whole movie night gets ruined 🤷♀️)
Hello Denise,
Omg! I am in the same boat as you. I really try to be empathetic, and I try to avoid doing the things that irritate my husband, but sometimes I want to scream!
Some days I feel like he hates me. It makes me sad, angry, tired, and sometimes resentful.
I started researching this a few years ago because I knew it was not normal behavior, and finally recently got him to admit he probably has misophonia. It’s been a long difficult road and still is, I’m actually surprised we are still together. He also is type A, and has some OCD (he’s always moving things ” back the way they should be” after I dust or whatever) he’s extremely particular even though I’m a very tidy housekeeper. I am kinda a clean freak, but he’s way worse than me about certain things. I have to do many things when he’s not around, which can make life difficult because I work also.
So needless to say, sometimes I feel like I’m not living the best life I can, and I’m walking on eggshells most days.
Some of the trigger sounds are, throat clearing, chewing, cleaning (me doing dishes, vacuuming, running the laundry machines) breathing too loud, tapping, sometimes even walking in a quiet house.
He can’t stand me making food if he’s sitting down eating, gets angry if I’m going in and out the front door to bring in firewood. List goes on and on. Basically just everyday living tasks can set him off , and he’s then mumbling swear words and giving me dirty looks.
Also he hates tags in shirts, has very specific clothing dislikes. makes me redo laundry if it ” smells like the wrong detergent” , certain ” smells” bother him. And he also has certain visual triggers.
Sometimes I’m angry with myself that I have been dealing with this for 18 years, my son was 2 when we met, and I feel guilty alot that he grew up with this.
I try really hard to remember that this is a brain disorder, but it’s so hard to not take it personally when it seems your partner is discusted with you.
I understand that it must be so difficult for him to deal with it, but I wish he would admit that it’s no picnic for me or my son ( who is in college now, and living on campus, luckily).
We live in a small house now, and I swear, if I had money, I would buy the small cabin across the road and move there so we would have our own spaces.
Well, sorry for the rant, but I have been looking for a while now for others who are spouses dealing with a misophone. I feel so misunderstood, and I’m sure people like you get what I’m saying.
Hugs ,
Heidi
Heidi, I am in your shoes.
My husband will fly off the handle if I so much as clear my throat. I have sinus issues, so as you can guess, it’s fairly frequent and he only gets more angry… meanwhile I try to be as quiet as I can and he can still hear it! I cannot get out of bed every 5 minutes, nor is it fair. I did offer to sleep in another room though and he doesn’t like that either.
Another issue is the sound machine he insists on using every night, even on vacation. We’d be at sea on a cruise and I like to hear the lapping waves of the ocean. NOPE. No can do. I also love the crickets and katydids on a summer eve. NOPE.
It makes me so sad. I feel like I have to give up a lot and he gives up nothing! It’s torture trying not to clear your throat. It feels like suffocation. Physically and mentally.
It is very difficult for you and the misophone. This is one reason why we are working hard to provide treatment for misophonia. See misophoniatreatment.com.
Thank you Tom, I know it’s torture for the misophone, I can’t imagine getting that upset at a noise.
I myself have anxiety issues, and have had to learn coping mechanisms to alleviate that stress. It’s different than miso, but makes me more empathetic to the people who have different disorders. It’s sorta like someone telling you to calm down when your anxiety is high,, “oh! Really? Is that all I have to do? Just calm down? ”
Lol! So yes, I somewhat get the problem.
The sad thing about the misophonia is the rage and disgust it brings on, I so hope one day there will be help for it. It’s really destructive to relationships. Very hard to disengage and remove your feelings when you are feeling like the person you love is so disgusted with you.
Heidi, your hope that “one day there will be help for” misophonia is now. There are 2 generally effective treatments that, on average, reduces misophonia severity by 70%. These are relaxation training and counterconditioning (practices by Nate Mitchell of Louisville, KY, and me, Tom Dozier), and the 2nd treatment is Sequent Repatterning hypnotherapy.
Sorry to hear that, I am currently in development of an application that will hopefully alleviate noise by using a set of earplugs and an easy acquired commodity (cellphone) to create filter for certain sounds. I’l keep you post on the experiment
Good luck with the app.
Any progress on that app yet.
The Misophonia Trigger Tamer is available on iTunes, thanks to a very talented programmer who was able to fix the bugs in the app caused by the new releases of iOS. We are also working on a version of the app to run on PCs and Macs, which we hope to be released early next year.
I hate this disease. It makes me cry because the rage is so deep. I would laugh at those places where you can go break and destroy stuff but now I’m thinking it’s not such a bad idea, although my anger never sticks around for too long. Thankfully.